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Woodchucks Chucking Wood

Discussion in 'General chit chat' started by Wayneo, Mar 16, 2012.

  1. Wayneo

    Wayneo Member

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    Woodchucks Chucking Wood

    The amount of wood that woodchucks would chuck on a given day varies greatly with the individual woodchuck. According to a Wall Street Journal article, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas found that a woodchuck could chuck around 35 cubic feet of dirt in the course of digging a burrow. Thomas reasoned that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would chuck an amount equal to 700 pounds.
    Some say it depends on three factors:
    The woodchuck's desire to chuck said wood.
    The woodchuck's need to chuck the aforementioned wood.
    The woodchuck's ability to chuck the wood when it is a woodchuck


    Others say:
    The woodchuck could chuck as much wood as he wanted!b (By the way what is a woodchuck? Is it like a gopher?)
    He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
    If he could chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck as much as he could!
    A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
    A woodchuck would chuck all the wood that the woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
    If a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would and should chuck wood. But if woodchucks can't chuck wood, they shouldn't and wouldn't chuck wood. Though were I a woodchuck, and I chucked wood, I would chuck wood with the best woodchucks that chucked wood.
    If a woodchuck could chuck wood, then s/he'd chuck all the wood, s/he'd chuck and chuck and chuck and chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
    It would chuck the amount of wood that she sells seashells on the seashore divided by how many pickles Peter Piper picks.
    One quarter of a sycamore if you give him a quarter for every quarter of the sycamore he cut.
    It might depend on how many female woodchucks were present. Or, it could depend on whether the woodchuck's mother-in-law was around or not. If she was, he'd be chucking all day. If not, he'd be watching the football game.
    Some maintain that woodchucks could not and would not chuck wood at all.
    It depends on how good his dentures are!
    A woodchuck - would chuck - as much wood - as a woodchuck - could chuck - if a woodchuck could chuck wood. But unfortunately, woodchucks do not chuck wood.
    About 5.72 fluid litres of wood (answer from the paper pulp mill).
    About as many boards as the Mongol hoards would hoard if the Mongol hordes did hoard boards.
    Um....... 23????
    Tons. More than you can count. Honestly. No one can chuck more wood than a woodchuck.
    If the woodchuck's name was Maurice, then it could chuck all the wood that it wanted to. However, if its name is Frank, no chucking would be allowed.
    Due to the average size of a woodchuck and the general density of wood (not including cork) if a woodchuck could chuck wood it would probably get through about 6.573 pounds per day, assuming the woodchuck is functioning correctly.
    Using the formula: (W + I) * C where W = the constant of wood, which is well known to be 61, as agreed in many scientific circles. I = the variable in this equation, and stands for the word "if" from the original problem. As there are three circumstances, with 0 equaling the chance that the woodchuck cannot chuck wood, 1 being the theory that the woodchuck can chuck wood but chooses not to, and 2 standing for the probability that the woodchuck can and will chuck wood, we clearly must choose 2 for use in this equation. C = the constant of Chuck Norris, whose presence in any problem involving the word chuck must there, is well known to equal 1.1 of any known being, therefore the final part of this calculation is 1.1. As is clear, this appears to give the answer of (61 + 2) * 1.1 = (63) * 1.1 = 69.3 units of wood.
    "Sixteen and 1/2 board feet a day except on groundhog's day since groundhog is another name for woodchuck."- This answer is according to no less an authority than the 'Junior Woodchucks Guidebook', a publication often consulted by Huey, Dewey, and Louie Duck and referred to yet again by them in answering this very same question.
    How Chuck Norris got involved-A woodchuck would only chuck as much would as Chuck Norris would allow it to, because the woodchuck shares Chuck's name. Therefore, Chuck must punish it and make it chuck as much wood as Chuck can. So, a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as Chuck could.
    None because a wood chuck cannot chuck wood!
    Approximately 3.9675 pounds every 5.6843 seconds. So there.
    2.865 lbs every 11.3686 Seconds?
    As much as he needed to be satisfied
    But the true jokey answer, as told by my grandfather is: As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
    a woodchuck would chuck all the wood he could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood
    Are you kidding? Everybody knows a woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
    But it definitely couldn't chuck Chuck Norris.
    A group of people actually did a study on this. None of the wood chucks ate any wood planks so they never upchucked it but some of them chucked them (threw them) at people.
    During my study of Woodchuck I came to the conclusion that woodchucks don't chuck wood but only drink beer.
    However, this beer can frequently motivate them towards actions that can closely resemble the chucking of wood.
    A woodchuck will only chuck certain wood, likely that which is found in their natural, prairie habitat. Therefore, the lack of trees on the prairie is quite closely related to the chucking of wood performed by these wood-chucking woodchucks.
    Since it is the same animal as the Groundhog, should we not instead ask : how much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog would hog ground.
    A Woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a Woodchuck could chuck, if a Woodchuck could chuck wood.
    315g. This was an estimate done in a book of useless trivia. :D
     
  2. Barcelona68

    Barcelona68 Banned BANNED

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    TLDR...

    Wall of text hits me for 5000 points, I die.
     

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