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What should I do?

Discussion in 'General chit chat' started by shears20, Apr 29, 2014.

  1. shears20

    shears20 Donator

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    I have a bit of a dilemma.. Just so you can understand the situation a little a bit about me.. I'm 29 I have a partner of 30 and we have one child, a daughter who Is about to turn 4.. We have talked and we do want another child and plan on trying soon..
    Now for the dilemma I have a female friend who I went to college with years ago. She is gay and has recently married her long term partner.
    Cut a long story short she has asked if I will consider being a sperm donor so they can start a family. They both would like a child and would prefer to conceive from the same donor so that the children will both still be related.
    My partner is totally cool with the idea and says it is entirely up to me if I want to go through with it..
    The couple have told me it can be done on my terms I.e we could be involved in the children's lives as a kind of uncle and aunt or we could have a totally anonymous situation..
    Problem is I don't know how I'm going to feel at this stage?
    I really want to help these guys out.
    They are both lovely people and I believe the children would be very well loved. I almost feel selfish that I'm even contemplating not helping them.
    What do I do?

    Thanks for your input.
     
  2. Tatts

    Tatts Posting Addict

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    I'm sorry to say this but at the end of the day it is only 'YOU' who can decide.
     
  3. Chinnymonster81

    Chinnymonster81 Busy Member

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    Your decision entirely. The only thing I would consider is your legal position in regard to maintenance should you go ahead. You are not an anonymous donor whose identity is protected by legislation. Your terms are fine but a court may not consider your personal arrangements with your friends to be acceptable if things go south. All the best.
     
  4. anchovie

    anchovie Banned

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    its up to you mate but just stop for a second and try to imagine how you'd feel in say 5 years time with him/her calling you uncle when in reality you're the biological father , you may think you'd be able to handle it but what happens if/when you want access which is a fathers right and your friends decide otherwise , it could be a whole messy can of worms , myself i wouldn't do it i've got 4 lads and the thought of anyone else bringing them up apart from me would rip me apart
     
  5. Kyska

    Kyska Honorary Member

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    I think the important point is whether you get to go in bed with both of them, sounds like the chance of a lifetime.
     
  6. SteveO

    SteveO Top Poster

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    Richard is approaching this analytically and completely from the right angle, I would be asking if its possible for Ménage à trois also
     
  7. terry1001

    terry1001 Major Poster

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    It seems to me that the major, and highly unpredictable, issue is how your partner will feel after the birth(s). She may well be fine with the idea but once it becomes a reality who knows? I hope you can find a solution that suits you all.
     
  8. harry brown

    harry brown Banned

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    I've got a couple of lovely gay female neighbours...But I don't think I'd fancy a Ménage à trois! :eek:[​IMG]
     
  9. lee hughes

    lee hughes Engaging Member

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    The thing is every time you and your partner have a row she has the ammo to row for years,I think she is only saying yes is to please you, don't get me wrong it must be hard for two woman to be in a relationship without kids but if it was me I will let someone else do the deeds. That is my opinion. Lee
     
  10. shears20

    shears20 Donator

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    Thank you for all your input guys.. unfortunately there would be no action for myself from the said couple.. Madame Palm and her 5 loverly daughters would be taking on the job of extraction. As you guys have said it is the future years what worry me.. how I will feel emotionally and how my partner will cope with it in the long run.. It's easy to say yes now because it's not real yet. Seems this is a much more complex situation than I first thought..
     
  11. Trampilot

    Trampilot Keyboard Hero

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  12. Patrick

    Patrick Donator

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    You must also consider the legal aspect seeing that you'd be the childrens biological father.If anything happened in their relationship and they parted and things became financially difficult for either or both of them you may be legally liable for financial support for the children.You need to consult a legal expert to find out exactly where you stand in a situation like this,If it all went wrong you could end up wrecking yours and possibly other peoples lives.Forget the the fact that you're all good friends at the moment,even the best friendships can turn sour, any decision you make must be made purely on a legal basis regarding any responsibilities you would have towards these children.
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2014
  13. shears20

    shears20 Donator

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    Cheers Patrick.. Your 100% right! I will definitely look into the law re this matter before making any decisions.. :up:
     
  14. anchovie

    anchovie Banned

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    and as an after thought what about when the kid turns 16 and finds out their uncle is in fact their dad , i would imagine it'd mess with their heads a bit
     
  15. bigred1

    bigred1 Well-Known Member

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    How would you deal with it with regard to your daughter, would you tell her she had a brother/sister or keep it a secret?

    'Tis a tough one but, personally it's a can of worms I'd leave well and truly shut.
     
  16. audiguypaul

    audiguypaul Donator

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    I think if you are having to ask on here then the answer has to be no, as others have said it could end up in a right old mess, but atb which ever way you decide to go.
     
  17. shears20

    shears20 Donator

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    Thanks guys.. the more I think about it and after chatting with a few close friends I think I'm going to pass.. as much as I want to help these guys out the cons defiantly outweigh the pros.
     
  18. TORNADOS7

    TORNADOS7 Top Poster

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    Uhh !!!
     

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