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Stress And Anxiety.

Discussion in 'Get it off your chest' started by Stevie Darling, Nov 11, 2019.

  1. Mike Bowler

    Mike Bowler Engaging Member

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    I have suffered for a long time.I care for my partner for the last 10 years got that I never went out ,felt guilty leaving her at home or not been there for her .I went for CBT and worked with the councilor .she told me I need me time ,I now go out twice a week shooting down the local range for 3 hours at a time at first I felt guilty but now its the best thing I,ve done .I have been told by friends I'm a different person now.You have to work with your councilor to they do talk sense.
     
  2. Lev Levvin

    Lev Levvin Major Poster

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    Totally with you on this.
    My wife has advanced MS and is totally reliant on me for absolutely everything, including toilets and feeding

    I’m with her 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I do not get days off. Ever.

    my bit of ‘me’ time is being able to pop out around the farm with the gun for an hour every day. Luckily we live on the farm.

    as long as Zoë is comfy and has used toilet I know I’m safe to go out close to the cottage

    I’m planning on doing more night hunting because when she is safe in bed she doesn’t move till morning, incontinence pants take care of the toiletry stuff.

    this means I’m safe to go out with the NV gear for a while.
     
  3. DUNKS

    DUNKS Big Poster

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    All my life I have never suffered from anxiety or depression. I realize how lucky I have been. "Perhaps it's because I am a bit thick". I do sympathise with folk who do. I don't think I could cope with some of your problems and I wish you well.
     
  4. Burden666

    Burden666 Donator

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    @Lev Levvin CBT doesn't usually work with aspies.
    And, until extensive counselling, my anxiety was debilitating..

    There's one thing you can say about autistic people..

    If you've met an autistic person, you've met an autistic person.

    None of us are the same, share the same symptoms, have the same difficulties etc.

    But we are all autistic.

    .
     
    Stevie Darling and Lev Levvin like this.
  5. Wild Bill

    Wild Bill Long time member.

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    Like some of you have stated, Autism and Aspergers affect people differently. It must do because my 26 yr old son cant fend for himself, wont interact with strangers at all, wont go into a shop on his own, can't tie laces or do buttons up, won't speak to anyone on a phone that he doesn't know, won't answer a phone. He will never get a job and hardly ever leaves the house except with one of us. His bedroom is his safe place. He has no understanding of money etc. Won't ever get married or even get a girlfriend.
    My biggest fear is what he would do without his parents.

    So some of you saying you have Autism and Aspergers, understand that you are indeed the lucky ones with a mild version of these horrible mental ailments. You have had jobs and relationships and some resemblance of normal life. :up::cool:
     
    Last edited: Nov 18, 2019
  6. Brad75

    Brad75 Thebradsimps

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    I went through an episode of doubting my self worth, I sought help in the form of counselling from a charity as it was quicker than going through the NHS I paid/donated for it to the cause. I went back to church as i was a lapsed catholic 20yrs! I just sat at the back for a few Sundays which helped too just being somewhere quiet.

    The charity was great had a few sessions just good to talk to some one who doesn't know you and just listens.

    What I got out of it was I needed some me time as well as the things I had been missing that I enjoyed from my passed, and somthing new!

    And that new was this sport hobby interest what ever you wish to call it and this forum after I stumbled across an AirGunGearShow video on youtube.

    That man has a lot to answer for! :thumb:
     
  7. KeithJ23

    KeithJ23 Posting Addict

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    I've had a few "bad patches", 1st time was over 20 years ago when my mum passed away suddenly, my 1st wife had an affair and I changed jobs (left the Army) all within 6 months. The stress of all that turned me I to a partial recluse. Joining the TA saved me at that stage and helped me rebuild myself. I then re-enlisted and met my 2nd wife.

    12 years later and she had an affair, just after I left the Army for the 2nd time. That devastated me and I went down hard and as far as you can go. To the point of totally considering taking my own life.

    My step dad committed suicide a few years before my mum passed away so I am more than aware of the aftermath. That and the thought of never seeing my kids again stopped me.

    We split up and it took me a long time with the help of CBT and anti-depressants to move forwards. I started dancing to meet people and have never looked back - it literally changed my life. I only started with the air guns last year and am loving it.

    I have a fantastic partner (definitely punching!) and we are planning on moving in together very soon. 9 years ago I was ready to die, now I am loving life.

    There is more to this, but the gist is there.

    Mental health is so important, talking about it is vital!

    Stay safe folks. As I say to anyone, I am always around if needed. Been there...
     
  8. squib

    squib Posting Addict

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    The only time I have ever had stress was when running an M&E installation company, and in particular when estimating for work, knowing you are up against cheap as chips chancers.
    It was a triple edged sword - too cheap you are buying work and losing money.
    Too expensive, you don’t get the job.
    Finding the middle ground is very hard, you are not even looking for profit, just keep money coming in and make sure the wages are paid, and hope it goes to plan.
    The biggest setback to estimating is knowing the job. That means you know the potential pitfalls and you price accordingly, price is higher than Charlie chancer that doesn’t know what he’s doing, and you don’t win the work.

    I remember going in one Sunday morning to finish pricing a 100k job, I think I smoked 30 fags and called it a day when I stabbed the screen of my calculator to death with my pen. Finished the quote on the Monday, and a few days later lost the job for 3k.

    What really irked me was the company that won the job wasn’t trusted to get 2 x 18T diesel generators down a ramp and into position in the building, so they paid us to do it. ( it was a big task, about 15k alone )

    What double irked me, was the people that won the install, made such a monumental balls of it, they paid me 2 days to snag it and write the report.

    That was about the last big job I did in the delightful world that is construction/contracting. It takes a certain sort to deal with that crap 5/6/7 days a week.
     
  9. 2506sendero

    2506sendero Legend in his own mind & living on the edge.

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    What a fantastic post Gary - i am genuinely taken back by it mate.
    Good luck and good heatlh and much respect :) :thumb:
     
    Stevie Darling and Jagdwaffen like this.
  10. mikehill

    mikehill Engaging Member

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    It’s a completely different type of anxiety but I get your point :thumb:
     
    Stevie Darling likes this.
  11. Mayhem85

    Mayhem85 Active Member

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    I've had anxiety, panic attacks since I was 17, I'm 34 now, it took me a long time to get my head into a space that I was happy with. Anti depressants did help, but some of the side effects I had were not plesant. I found that my diet was a massive contributor to how I felt, leave the sugar alone, cut out processed rubbish and try to eat a varied balanced diet. Exercise played a massive part in making me feel better, even on the days I struggled to get in the gym, after I had a good workout I felt like I'd won a small mental battle with myself.
    I came off the medication under the doctors supervision, and I now take 1 5htp tablet before bed and that takes the edge off my anxiety, and so far have had no side effects, I've been on 5htp for 4 years now, councilling helped in ways that I still don't fully understand. It's not to say I don't have bad days anymore but it's alot more manageable now.
    Try to keep your head up and look forward,
     
    Stevie Darling, Dicer and Lev Levvin like this.
  12. Lev Levvin

    Lev Levvin Major Poster

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    I found talking helped when I was having anxious periods...
    Long time ago now...

    even chatting to total strangers openly online helped hugely :thumb:
     
    Stevie Darling and foxtrott like this.
  13. Dicer

    Dicer Donator

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    I was at the doctors recently for some blood tests the nurse practitioner asked how I was in general, I started by saying I felt a bit low but this ended with me pouring my heart out and getting upset. She advised I made an appointment to see the doctor as she couldn’t prescribe me any medication for it. She also gave me a leaflet for NHS talking therapies service, so I went online and registered.
    I eventually had a 30 min chat/ evaluation with a nice young lady who said she would discuss me with her supervisor and see if they could offer me any help, today she called back to say they have concluded that I’m moderately depressed and they think they can help. So would I like to go on the waiting list, I said yes as I think it may help to which she replied “Are you sure the waiting list is about four months at the moment.
    Lucky I managed to get an appointment to see the doc on the 17th January

    so please excuse me if I come across a bit grumpy at the moment
     
  14. mikehill

    mikehill Engaging Member

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    Well done for admitting it mate. Talking therapies didn’t work for me but loads of people find it a huge help. For me, just understanding why I’m feeling the way I do is enough for me to manage :)
     
    The oil man, Dicer and Stevie Darling like this.
  15. garyjm

    garyjm Posting Addict

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    Mate, I owe you a apology for deleting my post. Sorry.
    I never knew how to get the experience into words. 3 weeks later, 3 weeks wiser, what I was trying to get across was, people that were hurting me were trying to help me, limited money but big hearts. I did not understand. Me spoilt by western standards?
    At the age of 62 i finally learnt to trust, even if it hurts, or on a lighter note.... it is not so bad helping someone get a pee.:facepalm:
     
    2506sendero and Stevie Darling like this.
  16. Lev Levvin

    Lev Levvin Major Poster

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    Well done fella !

    if you get to a point where you’re experiencing particularly dark times there’s always someone who will listen to you.

    wether it be in groups like this or the Samaritans

    seriously... talking these things over is natures pressure relief valve and helps immensely...
     
    The oil man, Stevie Darling and Dicer like this.
  17. Lev Levvin

    Lev Levvin Major Poster

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    @Dicer

    20 years ago I went through a catastrophic period...

    I was involved in a terrible road crash caused by joyriders... a car smashed THROUGH the cab of my transit van...

    I was severely injured and took a year before I could walk again unaided

    the passenger of that car was thrown out of the side window and torn in half... most of his internals ended up over me... in my face...
    That took many years to ‘put in its box’

    during this time my first wife took it unto herself to have an affair... blaming me for not showing her enough attention...
    I literally caught her bouncing on a bloke wearing her full webbing...

    this resulted in a vicious divorce... lost the house, my job....

    So... as you can imagine my head was all over the place for a while.

    I reclused for a time... barely any human contact.
    When I was able, I started carp fishing again to get out of my parents house...

    this led to meeting new mates...

    I remember sitting on the side of a lake talking to a complete stranger angler in the small hours... beautiful moonlit night watching the bats skimming the water...

    I absolutely poured my heart out to this guy... he was an utter diamond.

    brilliant listener and made a wicked coffee...

    the next day I slept like the dead in my bivvy....

    when I awoke in the evening the chap had gone home but had left me some of his coffee by my bivvy door...

    it was like a switch had been thrown... that long talk had ‘healed’ me...

    within a month I’d found a new girlfriend and a new job as a trainee locksmith...

    life was good and has continued to get better hand over fist ever since

    never underestimate the power of talking to a good listener...:up:
     
  18. Claypole

    Claypole Posting Addict

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    I’ve found that certain types of stress can be reduced with something known as “self enquiry”.

    If I ever find myself getting stressed or angry, usually at work, I stop and just ask myself a few questions:

    Who is it that’s getting stressed? Me, but what part of me? My body, my mind, or is it just my thoughts?

    Do I need to be stressed? Is it helping?

    Who, or what is making me feel stressed? Is it a person, a situation or again, is it just my thoughts?

    The first time I ever tried this, I went from very stressed and wound up to compete calm within about 2 minutes. It’s not so much the exact questions you ask yourself, or even the answers you get (or don’t get!), it’s the act of being very consciously aware of yourself and how you feel.

    If you can observe your thoughts rather than be a slave to them, you’d be surprised at how quickly they can just disappear.

    This technique takes some practice, and it didn’t work for me recently when I though that all our wedding plans might have gone down the plan. However, it has definitely prevented me from saying or doing thing I might end up regretting.
     
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  19. mikehill

    mikehill Engaging Member

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    Very valid technique. I sometimes get to thinking people are ignoring me and it angers me. Then I try to look at it from their point of view .. maybe they are just busy .. or just maybe they are feeling down themselves even.
    Self analysis is my best form of treatment :)
     
  20. Felixlogs

    Felixlogs Posting Addict

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    And never underestimate the restorative power of bat watching. Or any other wildlife but bats are best, obviously. :D
     
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