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On A Lighter Note...

Discussion in 'General chit chat' started by Shoto1, Apr 16, 2020.

  1. talyllyn

    talyllyn Posting Addict

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    I was really struggling to get my wife’s attention….



    So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick.
     
    Suffolk1, Alanw, peasemold and 2 others like this.
  2. SimonCornwall

    SimonCornwall .

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    my cat was the same when i replaced his catnip with cocaine - he pretended to be happy for days :facepalm:
     
  3. lee71

    lee71 Posting Addict

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    :laff: brilliant
     
  4. Shoto1

    Shoto1 Donator

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  5. wiltshirejohn

    wiltshirejohn HW Fanboi

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  6. wiltshirejohn

    wiltshirejohn HW Fanboi

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  7. Lostkiwi

    Lostkiwi Tomorrow will be a good day.

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    A Taliban soldier desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.

    The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

    The soldier replied, "There is no water, the well is dry. Would you like to buy a tie instead? They are only £5."

    The Taliban shouted, "You idiot infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"

    "OK," said the soldier, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that, and that I am a much better human being than you. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find our Sergeant's Mess. It has all the ice cold water you need. Inshallah."

    Cursing him, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.

    Several hours later he staggered back, collapsed with dehydration & rasped:

    "They won't let me in without a f***ing tie!”
     
    Mike Watkins, Shoto1, Qujaho and 8 others like this.
  8. Alanw

    Alanw Busy Member

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    Lostkiwi my mrs thinks I’ve really lost it and it’s all your fault!Ever since reading your post every few minutes I can’t help busting out with a fit of the giggles (think good muttly impression).That will stay with me for a while.Absolute classic ,thank you,you’ve made my day,I’m easily pleased,:up::thumb::laff:
     
    Lostkiwi, Autodidact and Grey beard like this.
  9. Autodidact

    Autodidact Thought Criminal

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    :laff: :roflmao: :rofl:

    :claping:
     
  10. bigal

    bigal Jedi.

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    Attached Files:

    Shoto1 likes this.
  11. jega

    jega Engaging Member

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    The soldier replied " and mine have just gone up to £20" .
     
    Shoto1 likes this.
  12. Shoto1

    Shoto1 Donator

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  13. talyllyn

    talyllyn Posting Addict

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    A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel.

    An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel.

    A REALIST sees a freight train.

    The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
     
    RagnarHairybreeks and Shoto1 like this.
  14. Shoto1

    Shoto1 Donator

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  15. wiltshirejohn

    wiltshirejohn HW Fanboi

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    In my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

    "The act of doing things for other people."

    Then I heard the terms:

    Internal Revenue Service
    Postal Service
    Telephone Service
    Civil Service
    Selective Service
    City/County Public Service
    Customer Service
    Service Stations

    I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

    Then today, I overheard two farmers talking and one of them
    mentioned that he was having a bull over to "service" a few of
    his cows.

    SHAZAM! It suddenly all came into clear perspective. Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.
     
    talyllyn and Shoto1 like this.
  16. Lostkiwi

    Lostkiwi Tomorrow will be a good day.

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    A pessimist sees a cup half empty.

    An optimist sees a cup half full.

    An engineer sees a cup twice as big as it needs to be.
     
    BigSid61 and talyllyn like this.
  17. wiltshirejohn

    wiltshirejohn HW Fanboi

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    A bride on her wedding night says to her husband. "I must confess darling, I was a hooker"

    He says, "That's alright dear. Your past is your past but I must admit that I find it erotic. Tell me about it".

    The wife says "My name was Nigel and I played for Wigan".
     
    talyllyn likes this.
  18. wiltshirejohn

    wiltshirejohn HW Fanboi

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    And another extremely relevant one.....

    They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. -Benjamin Franklin
     
  19. Lostkiwi

    Lostkiwi Tomorrow will be a good day.

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  20. talyllyn

    talyllyn Posting Addict

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    I'm not sure this should be in the "on a lighter note" thread. It's a bit too close to the truth!
     
    Lostkiwi likes this.

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