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Not A Happy Chap

Discussion in 'Get it off your chest' started by Sandy man 1963, May 29, 2019.

  1. Sandy man 1963

    Sandy man 1963 Busy Member

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    well slightly gob smacked today.

    Not long ago my other half told me she wanted a divorce along with half my military pension the house etc. 29 years of marriage down the drain reason being is she is not happy about my dear 94 year old mother living with us. I can understand but you only get one mother and blood is blood I was given the option wife or mother needless to say I said mother. So the lawyers got involved like they do and arrangements made. I gave her the house and every thing in it apartment from my rifles and offered a small amount of my pension.

    We are still in the same house and talk occasionally.
    Last night she decided to tell me that she did not mow want a divorce and was sorry. She how ever wanted to go part time at work and would only contribute to the food bill and sod all else. Along with the house going in to her name only.

    Now I was all set to pop smoke along with mother back up to stoke and my bungalow (wife still thinks it’s in mother’s name) it’s not and was signed over to me when dad died 16 years ago. I’d even told work that I was moving on but have not put my notice in.

    Now I’m not a well man having MS and do struggle a fair bit. Money has always ways been tight but we have always managed with a small amount each month for hobbies.

    If she does go part time and only chips in for the food it will go from managed to struggle each month. If I’d moved up north I’d only have to worry about council tax and the normal Day to day bills and no mortgage as she would have taken it on.

    In my mind I think she has worked out that paying a mortgage and all the bills on her pay would be a major struggle.

    So do I say ok all forgiven and kid and make up or just say do one you evil cow there is no way she can have changed over night no way at all. It’s ironic the whole world thinks she is a saint and will do any thing for any one get her home and it’s a total nightmare. For the last 14 years it been finish work get home have tea go up stairs and stay in bed room having mother has changed things and she is not happy about it. Why stay in the bed room well if we argue and I get upset my MS kick off some thing rotten and I do not need that at all. A crap life. The only pleasure I get is my shooting and even that has taken a back seat with mum turning up. No mother who need constant care is going back home as she is fed up with it hear problem is if I stay with the wife paying for her care will be a night mare at the moment I do it with a bit of help from the wife. Mum has some savings but not lot mother put most of the money she had into my account six years ago as she did not want to lose it paying for care. Social have said they will go for the money as it’s less than the seven year rule. That’s a problem as it was used to put both the kids through uni which is what mum wanted. Catch 22 if she goes home I’ll have to sell the bungalow to look after her or move in and do it my self. Every thing is well and truly messed up. Any way I’ve vented back to work.
     
  2. Husky-loves-to-run

    Husky-loves-to-run Busy Member

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    Fight her for half the value of the house, any of the pension you can keep due to her being unreasonable and move on mate!! That’s a s**t attitude and to say she’ll only contribute to food and still wants the house in her name just sounds like she’s trying to butter you up to then kick you out completely mate. Don’t make it easy. She’s entitled to half then fair one she gets half and not all. She can damn well go off and see the grass isn’t greener and she has to work to pay her own bills is my view mate. Seen loads of lads in this situation just hand over everything and they still come after more when they decide they should be entitled when the guy has way less than the ex. Split it and don’t make it easy on her why should you?
     
    SeanE, metalman, foxtrott and 6 others like this.
  3. Gary Jones

    Gary Jones Very Active

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    Not a nice situation to be in mate. I'm not really able to offer any input into this at all. But you do however have my sympathy. Terrible situation to find yourself in.
     
    Ginnel Gunner and Jukebox like this.
  4. KeithJ23

    KeithJ23 Posting Addict

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    Pension wise she may be entitled to half of however many years you were married.

    E.g. 22 year pension. Married 10 years of it.

    Half of 10/22. Or 5/22.

    If your pension is 10k a year = (10000/22) ×5 = 454x5 = 2273 a year (roughly 189 a month) obviously adjust figures as appropriate.

    Sounds to me like you need to move on Bud. Been there.... done that! Although mine didn't want to get back together! Thank God!
     
  5. radar100

    radar100 Well-Known Member

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    Run..... Get the paperwork signed and get it done with. She's done the maths and doesn't like the numbers without you, it's fairly clear from your post that the emotional/relationship side is done, so .....
     
  6. Gaz2121

    Gaz2121 Gazza

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    You kept it a secret that you had your mums bungalow and cash so if I were you mate I would consider myself lucky. When she finds out she will be after that too .
     
    DRAGONBAIT666 likes this.
  7. Brooksy

    Brooksy Posting Addict

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    Go back to Stoke and keep a low profile until the finances are sorted out. The stress will increase for a short time, but then things will settle and it won't affect your MS so badly. It sounds like a right stitch up to me mate.
    You know the people of Stoke are a good bunch too, plus there's the Wholly Inadequate at Etruria for a decent drink!
     
  8. sabc

    sabc Donator

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    Sell the place,pay the mortgage, give her half of what’s left and move on.
     
    MrOvershoot and DRAGONBAIT666 like this.
  9. Darren Petts

    Darren Petts Temporarily Alive

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    From my own experience when a relationship is done to the degree yours is it can't be patched up and you should move on. You can slap a plaster on it but they tend to come off when it rains. Try to break on good terms by acknowledging who is due what and keep the lawyers out of it. If the lawyers come in you'll both end up with less £££ and more grief. It's easier said than done as it requires two to break up nicely. Do ensure though that any credit or debit cards that have your name on them are not usable by her as the debt will be yours.
     
  10. NorfolkDave

    NorfolkDave Donator

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    I'd move on.

    I also agreed with my other half many years ago that we were taking each other on. Not the in laws. Absolutely your choice, but not one everyone would live with.

    Dave
     
  11. peter9

    peter9 Busy Member

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    come back to stoke its a secret paradise, loads to do and you will never get bored
     
  12. Brooksy

    Brooksy Posting Addict

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    It's the only place you can "take the Mrs up anally" and not get a funny look.
    For those not blessed with the locale, it's actually a term for "going to Hanley." So don't get too excited!

    :facepalm:
     
    phil.m and Trampilot like this.
  13. cjsid

    cjsid Engaging Member

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    You need to get legal advise you are both entitled to half of everything and that includes the bungalow in your name , be careful you could loose out big time , then again sell house and bungalow you may be able to afford something else and be better off . Divorce is a mine field believe me , get legal advice but keep it to yourself for the time being , good luck
     
  14. timmytree

    timmytree Pro Poster

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    An awful situation to be in. Do whatever you can to avoid lawyers because that is money wasted. you have no dependants so no reason why you can't split everything 50/50 taking all assets into account. I had similar years ago where she changed her mind but that turned out to be because she wanted the 4 bedroom house in the country, not because she wanted to be with me.
    Now she's got the house but not before she paid out my share. now she's got a mortgage she can't cover, her problem.
    Take legal advice but don't just roll over.
     
    Husky-loves-to-run likes this.
  15. Husky-loves-to-run

    Husky-loves-to-run Busy Member

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    seems a cheaper solution to remove the problem..... or am I the only mercenary minded type that thought along those lines??? Lol
     
    FPoole, Mike.lewis and Redcap 114 like this.
  16. MrOvershoot

    MrOvershoot Now just slightly tired

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    What like a new patio ;)
     
    FPoole and Redcap 114 like this.
  17. MrOvershoot

    MrOvershoot Now just slightly tired

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    I'm sickened to hear about your situation, my wife has very advanced secondary progressive MS and even if your condition is way less severe I can't imagine the utter shell of a person who could leave you to cope with it & even try and drain any money you have.
    I'm the least religious person in the world but take marriage very seriously, I promised to look after my partner & that's what I will do no matter how hard things become as she is the person I love.
     
    Wild Bill and Redcap 114 like this.
  18. Husky-loves-to-run

    Husky-loves-to-run Busy Member

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    Ahhh Mr Overshoot..... nothing so crass.... and that would involve a lot of effort, extra cost and some DIY skill! ;)
     
  19. Sandy man 1963

    Sandy man 1963 Busy Member

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    Thanks guys appreciate it
     
  20. Felixlogs

    Felixlogs Posting Addict

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    Deep freeze, woodchipper and running water?
     
    Dicer and Redcap 114 like this.

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