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Feral Children - How do you deal with bad parents?

Discussion in 'Get it off your chest' started by tinmanofkent, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. BiggaJ

    BiggaJ Donator

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    Totally agree!
     
  2. Titchgamer

    Titchgamer Honorary Member

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    They possibly would, as i said before people are different and moderation is key.

    Taking my dogs for example they get a stern telling off.
    If they ignored that (which is rare now) i stand up and raise my voice staring at them.
    They know they are out of line and usually run off to my ms.
    People could argue that my aggressive manor scared the dogs into submission and they did not learn merely did what they were told through fear.
    However i have to do it less and less as time passes and they still come to me for a fuss etc so i would dissmiss that as nonsense.

    Point of all that usually the threat alone is enough but you must be willing to act on it.

    And your right in some ways smacking a gobby kid is no different to smacking a gobby adult in the street.
    Just one gets hit harder in the face....

    Either way if they had been warned etc then they deserved it.

    I can honestly say i have never seen anyone smacked in the street without good reason (drunken brawls excluded)
     
  3. Stevie Darling

    Stevie Darling Sexual tyrannosaurus

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    Well just back from tesco,

    noticed a wee lad pocking holes in the fruit with a toy, I nicely told the mother what he was doing, her reply,

    so what.......:facepalm:
     
  4. Trampilot

    Trampilot Keyboard Hero

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    Just wanted to say I said it all in jest. Mods haven't emailed me to do this - but apologies if my post was taken the wrong way - my humour can be a little dark and extreme! Though I still don't like children. :)

    Of course speak to the parents to voice concerns - more so if its somewhere very busy like a restaurant/supermarket. Only takes a moment to fall and smack your head on the corner of a table/shelf. Same of course goes for pets - friend of mine owns a huge and very gentle mastiff. Though if it runs over to you and you don't know her you'll crap yourself!
     
  5. SteveO

    SteveO Top Poster

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    I've always taught my kids to never touch any food they are not going to eat, nothing worse than seeing a child picking up food at a buffet and putting it back, the salad bar at the harvester or party buffets - makes me want to :puke:. I prefer to see fresh food bought out and then pounce to ensure it hasn't been fingered.

    I don't have any problems with my kids behaviour, I talk to them first, then I talk to them sternly - that usually does the job, If they get stroppy about helping or doing an ask I point out all the things we do for them as parents and warn them that luxuries will be withdrawn, a threat of basic provision is enough to make them realise that they are being unreasonable when we ask for something so small and easy to do in return.

    Smacking is a final resort and I have only needed to do it once in moderation, my little one once took my open blade shaving razor off the bathroom shelf to her nursery, I found it in her pocket at home time and she refused to hand it over, after failed negotiation... simples - she got a smacked bum. Imagine the injury she could have caused with that at only 4 years old - I needed a quick solution to break her will and remove it.

    It is not against the law in the UK to smack a child providing it's proportional and does not leave a mark/bruising. We have an experienced social worker so know this to be within the law and government policy.

    There is quite an age gap between by youngest and eldest, when my lad was young we had a foam baseball bat we used to call the Billy Bat (no idea why) If I picked that up he knew it was time to behave, it never hurt to have a whack on the bum from it, it was just what it represented - If I was naughty (usually swearing) he would smack me with it. :)

    Anyway, my kids in my opinion are well rounded, respectful and loving, people always comment on their good behaviour - my crowning glory, biggest asset and most worthwhile life achievement - I feel I've succeeded at being a parent - but we all know it's a job that never ends no matter their or our age.
     
  6. tinmanofkent

    tinmanofkent God

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    Well in this circumstance I got on a jet and flew home. They no longer annoyed me when I was 8 miles up.

    Seriously, I'm not sure I could have taken action that wouldn't have escalated the problem. Social ostracism works well and possibly the restaurant falling silent and staring at the parents would work but I can't just bring that about.

    The children need to play and I think they should be running around like loonies, just not in the restaurant. I don't like smacking and I'm even sceptical of time out. I would tell children what was expected in a restaurant and the reasons why before I took them there. I wouldn't ever want to say to a child 'because I said so.' I think it would be my responsibility as a parent to ensure I got recreation time for the children to blow off steam and I would have to see to this before I sit down to drink in a bar.

    I was smacked as a child and my mother also used to publicly embarrass me to shame me. I hated it and all it tought me was might makes right.
     
  7. Kyska

    Kyska Honorary Member

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    Same here, just my mother though, my father was a pacifist, I can't remember ever giving my dad any grief!
     
  8. BiggaJ

    BiggaJ Donator

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    The children need to play and I think they should be running around like loonies, just not in the restaurant.

    Exactly, there are loads of places for kids to run wild and burn off energy, if they cannot behave the parents should not subject them to places that other would see as a relaxing environment.
     
  9. harry brown

    harry brown Banned

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    I asked because as you are aware I am a parent of two. I have rarely smacked my children. In hindsight it was because I had no other strategy to effectively deal with it at that time. Once was when my young son stepped out onto the main road without looking and I was in shock myself, the other years later when he called me a c#nt in the street I gave him the back of my hand! His mother (whom I'm divorced from and was then also) Advised him to make a complaint to the police. He did and I was arrested and cautioned at the police station. Result...Well I lost my job because I was working on projects which had a strict policy on such convictions. It was also brought up when I applied for my FAC.
    His Mother is a school teacher who I know left them both unattended many occasions whilst they were under age to self supervise. I never snitched on her and she would have had a difficult time in her profession over it! I have never tried to point score against her with them. Was I right to give him he back of my hand ? I doubt it, but not everyone is same and smacking a child is not the same as hitting a partner or policeman as you earlier put it.
    Most parents smack their child out of exasperation of a situation they cannot control. Does that make them a bad parent? Well both mine are doing fine now and one is a police officer themselves and the other doing a degree to become a Q.S.
    Would I advocate smacking to others..No. Would I do it again?? Jurys out.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2015
  10. Kyska

    Kyska Honorary Member

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    Excellent post HB, very eloquent.

    Also, I know it shouldn't be funny, but a kid calling his dad **** in public made me laugh, slightly, the ensuing hassle you had didn't though.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2015
  11. tinmanofkent

    tinmanofkent God

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    HB, I liked the post a lot.

    I think most parents smack children because they were smacked themselves as children. I think it's something that is passed through generations.

    There are quite a few good studies now that show many negative effects on people who are smacked as children.
     
  12. harry brown

    harry brown Banned

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    Which bit did you like? Was it when I got arrested! ;)
     
  13. harry brown

    harry brown Banned

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    It was on the street but out of earshot/sight of anyone else. I could have easily denied it to the police. I didn't because, it would have meant him being further questioned by them and as I said to the copper at the time. If I don't deal with it, he'll think he can get away with everything and you'll be dealing with him for becoming a feral lout later on! He agreed and his female colleague wanted me given a life sentence.
     
  14. Kyska

    Kyska Honorary Member

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    I know what it's like! I'm divorced, even though she threw me out, all my clothes went to charity, any birthday cards, pictures/drawings my daughter gave to me got sent ripped up, emptied bank accounts and used my lass as a weapon for months and months.

    Testing time, I like you stayed stoic and just took blow after blow until she got bored and realised she was flogging a dead horse.
     
  15. tinmanofkent

    tinmanofkent God

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    No. I like that you are willing to change your mind. Not too long ago I was very in favour of discipline and smacking children. Having been smacked makes it easy to smack children and also what I did, which was to smack my dog. I regret it deeply, it does no good to teach a dog anything but to show its teeth. I never beat my dog but remember a couple of times. Once she stole a cooked bird carcass that we shouldn't have left unattended in the kitchen. Everyone screamed that she would choke in the garden so I went and prised her mouth open and took it from her. She snarled and bit at me like mad and I struck her across the face for it. It was a vile thing to do, I wish I could erase it. Another time she was in the front of the van with me and I stopped to talk to someone. She barked and barked in my ear so loud I couldn't hear a thing and smacked her nose. I don't know what I should have done to quiet her but raising a hand to an animal is wrong.
     
  16. tombillings916

    tombillings916 Donator

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    When we was kids the Old Lady used to whack us with a cut down broom handle or 'mam's club' as we used to call it, when all four of us lads were scrapping' she never used to ask questions she just hit the nearest head! Me and my brothers used to have bumps on our heads like in Popeye but it never did us any harm, she'd be jailed for that today but at least we had respect although it was earned the hard way.
     
  17. harry brown

    harry brown Banned

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    Luxury! ..... We were whipped soundly with barbed wire and slept in shoebox int middle of road!

    [video=youtube;Xe1a1wHxTyo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo[/video]
     
  18. harry brown

    harry brown Banned

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    So do you not live on the farm now?
     
  19. Kyska

    Kyska Honorary Member

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    I do, that was my first wife, I remarried a few years ago, my daughter was little when we split.
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2015
  20. andy86

    andy86 Member

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    Seen 4 kids outside tesco's at hartlepool this morning in their pyjamas penny for the guy'ing, whats happening with the parents like???????????? MADNESS
     

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