1. The Forum Rules have undergone some minor changes and updates.  Please take the time to read them; it will only take a couple of minutes of your time. By doing so, you lessen the chance of incurring the wrath of the moderation team or making yourself look foolish to other members.

    90% of users posting adverts in the Sales forums need to be reminded to read the rules as their posts are wrong.  This is unnecessarily time-consuming and will no longer happen - if your advert doesn't follow the Sales Rules it will be deleted and you'll have to start all over again.

    To close this box once you've read it (and the Rules), click on the X in the top right-hand corner.

    Thank you.

    AGF Staff



    Dismiss Notice
  2. A reminder of one of the Forum Rules:

    'Behaviour

    Do not make inappropriate or offensive posts - including threats, harassment, swearing, prejudice, defamation, deliberate insults or name-calling, other negative remarks about this forum, its moderators and administrators or your fellow members. Even if this is just your own personal opinion, RESPECT YOUR FELLOW MEMBERS.'

    There have been changes made to our censoring software in an attempt to help with this growing problem.

    Click the X in the top-right-hand corner to dismiss this notice.
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Dear members,

    Our membership (like our country) consists of people from all walks of life; different in far more ways than can be listed here and each with a different view based on their experience of life - regardless of their colour, religion or cultural heritage. Every single person in the UK has been born of mixed race – we are a multi-coloured and multi-cultural country.

    As many of you are aware there are a handful of individuals amongst this membership that persist in making provocative, inflammatory, racist and otherwise offensive comments. This has been happening across the forum to a certain degree but is most especially prevalent in the Adult section.

    The moderation team has tried to stay on top of this, however unfortunately because of the ‘offensive’ nature of much of its content we don’t monitor the Adult section quite as much as perhaps we should. As a result much of this behaviour has gone unnoticed unless it has been reported to us. While the team always intended to take a "light touch" approach to the Adult section it would seem that some people aren’t quite adult enough to be left unmonitored after all.

    This behaviour is, and always has been against Forum Rules as well as the specific stipulations of the Adults forum and it will no longer be tolerated. We feel it's time to draw a line in the sand and as such from this point onward offenders will receive an immediate and permanent ban from the forum.

    In order for us to achieve our goal of restoring the forum to the friendly and tolerant place it once was, we ask that ALL members be mindful of the content they post and help us to stop unacceptable behaviour by using the 'Report' tool at the bottom of any offending post - the results of which can be seen only by Admin/Moderators.

    You should all receive a copy of this message by PM. 

    To close this message box, click on the 'X' in the top-right-hand corner.

    Dismiss Notice
  4. Hotmail block emails from us entering your inbox. Unless you can setup a safe sender you will not get activation emails from the forum. Please use an alternative provider or complain to Hotmail.
    Hotmail addresses include.

    @Hotmail.co.uk @Hotmail.com @outlook.com @Live.com
    Dismiss Notice
  5. Postings on Politics, Religion & Controversial Off-Topic Material

    The majority of users do not want to read about these subjects and people have left the forum as a result of it – this is after all an 'Airgun' Forum. It’s all very well to say they don’t have to read it if they don't want to, but as most of us use the ‘New Posts’ button there is no easy way to avoid it.

    All AGF staff members are in favour of people being able to discuss what they want, but we have to draw the line somewhere if it is upsetting other users. We don’t want to read about these topics either.

    IMPORTANT- The discussion of politics and religion is no longer allowed anywhere on the forum (including the Adult section).  The only exception is if it's airgun related - they must be put in the Airgun Related Politics section..

    We will not tolerate bullying or personal attacks, racism or any other offensive 'isms'. we will remove these topics from the forum, we will not give you an area where you can abuse each other. We will not hesitate to ban offenders.

    To clear this text box, click on the 'X' in the top right-hand corner.

    Dismiss Notice

Dad Jokes.

Discussion in 'General chit chat' started by rich79, Jan 14, 2021.

  1. Andy_J

    Andy_J Replica Airgun Enthusiast

    Messages:
    17,386
    Likes Received:
    26,652
    Location:
    Lincoln County
    Two vultures eating a dead clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

    Why are Pirates called pirates?............... "Coz theeyyyyyyyyy aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
     
    Neptune and Jesterdog like this.
  2. Andy_J

    Andy_J Replica Airgun Enthusiast

    Messages:
    17,386
    Likes Received:
    26,652
    Location:
    Lincoln County
    What do you call a blind dinosaur? A Do-you-think-e-saurus.
     
    Jesterdog likes this.
  3. joe average

    joe average profound thinker.....i think

    Messages:
    990
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Location:
    wigan
    Did you read the joke I posted about a Chiropractor?

    It was about a week back.
     
    Neptune, td_boy, Andy_J and 2 others like this.
  4. Dormy

    Dormy Engaging Member

    Messages:
    221
    Likes Received:
    235
    Location:
    Near Norwich
    What do you call a deaf dinosaur ?

    Anything you like, it probably cant hear you - but I wouldn't hang around to find out !
     
    Neptune likes this.
  5. sagalout

    sagalout What a plinker!

    Messages:
    6,662
    Likes Received:
    9,474
    Location:
    Ross on Wye, Herefordshire
    upload_2021-4-29_20-55-6.png
     
    Neptune and MrYan like this.
  6. talyllyn

    talyllyn Posting Addict

    Messages:
    1,090
    Likes Received:
    1,650
    Location:
    Wirral
    I asked my wife, “I’m stuck on a crossword clue—Overworked Postman—can you help me?”



    She said, “Sure. How many letters?”

    I said, “I’m guessing—too many.”
     
    Neptune likes this.
  7. jega

    jega Engaging Member

    Messages:
    167
    Likes Received:
    331
    Location:
    North Lincolnshire
    Was going to tell you one about a sniper not too sure if it was appropriate or not .
    Bit of a long shot really ........................................

    I'll get me coat .
     
    Neptune, Chopper250, talyllyn and 2 others like this.
  8. talyllyn

    talyllyn Posting Addict

    Messages:
    1,090
    Likes Received:
    1,650
    Location:
    Wirral
    A dog walks into the unemployment office.


    “I need a job.” He said, in perfect English.

    Surprised, the clerk says “I’m sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?”

    “If you like.” Replied the dog. “But why would the circus need an architect?”
     
    Neptune and Readie like this.
  9. talyllyn

    talyllyn Posting Addict

    Messages:
    1,090
    Likes Received:
    1,650
    Location:
    Wirral
  10. RagnarHairybreeks

    RagnarHairybreeks Heart of gold, knob of butter.

    Messages:
    5,254
    Likes Received:
    7,895
    Location:
    Gloucester
    Why do communists drink decaf tea?

    Because proper tea is theft.
     
    Neptune, beazly, MrYan and 2 others like this.
  11. joe average

    joe average profound thinker.....i think

    Messages:
    990
    Likes Received:
    2,318
    Location:
    wigan
    Just had the police banging on my door demanding to know where I was between 5 and 11. I said I was at primary school.
     
    Neptune, MrYan, Inca and 4 others like this.
  12. talyllyn

    talyllyn Posting Addict

    Messages:
    1,090
    Likes Received:
    1,650
    Location:
    Wirral
    I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

    I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
     
  13. sagalout

    sagalout What a plinker!

    Messages:
    6,662
    Likes Received:
    9,474
    Location:
    Ross on Wye, Herefordshire
  14. Neptune

    Neptune Posting Addict

    Messages:
    1,278
    Likes Received:
    7,948
    Location:
    Essex
    I had to sit next to a very obese monk on the bus. Anyway we got chatting and he started to talk to me about philosophy and theology.

    He was a deep fat friar.
     
  15. Neptune

    Neptune Posting Addict

    Messages:
    1,278
    Likes Received:
    7,948
    Location:
    Essex
    My friend Doc is selling his Delorean.
    Great condition and low mileage as he only drove it from time to time

    A man tells a Rabbi " I have a strong desire to live forever, what can I do? "
    The Rabbi replies "get married "
    The man asks "will this make me live forever? "
    The Rabbi answers " no but the desire will disappear "
     
    talyllyn likes this.
  16. Lord Bunting

    Lord Bunting ///living.vans.deliver

    Messages:
    568
    Likes Received:
    1,259
    Location:
    West Midlands
    Salesman knocks on the door & a 12 year old boy answers with a large Cognac in his hand & smoking a Cigar. The salesman, although perplexed asks if his Dad was in?
    The kid says "what do you *******g think" :)
     
  17. Neptune

    Neptune Posting Addict

    Messages:
    1,278
    Likes Received:
    7,948
    Location:
    Essex
    ALBINO !! You can't say fairer than that

    What sort of flour do orphans bake with?
    Self raising.


    Q. What do you call a magician who's lost his magic?
    A. Ian

    If you receive an email or WhatsApp with the Subject “Ding Dong” don’t open it, they’re Jehovah’s Witnesses working from home


    Consonant please"
    "Consonant please"
    "Consonant please"
    "Consonant please"
    "Consonant please"
    "Consonant please"
    "Consonant please"
    "Consonant please"
    "and another Consonant please"

    Playing Welsh Countdown

    A friend of mine drowned. We got him a wreath in the shape of a life belt. It’s what he would have wanted


    A cardinal, a priest and a rabbit go to give blood.
    The rabbit is first up... the nurse says "What blood type are you, then?"
    The rabbit says, "I reckon I'm a typeO..."


    I met a transvestite from Greater Manchester today.
    He had a Wigan address.
     
    RagnarHairybreeks likes this.

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice