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Adult joke - do not read if likely to offend

Discussion in 'General chit chat' started by i8allthepies, Sep 12, 2008.

  1. i8allthepies

    i8allthepies Posting Addict

    Messages:
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    Location:
    Dagenham
    Hope you like it -

    Two regulars turn up at their golf course ready for their round when one of them notices a feller hanging around, looking like his partner hasn’t showed.
    “Care to make up a three ?” one of them asks
    “Be delighted – partner can’t make it” he replies.
    Anyhow, as they’re making their way to the first tee, making small talk, one of them asks the feller what he does for a living.
    “Well,” he says “I know this is not easy to swallow, but the fact is, I’m a hit man!”
    Realising that neither of them believe him, he motions them to look inside his bag of clubs, where nestling among the irons and woods is the most mouth-watering Martini snipers rifle, topped off with a drainpipe-sized scope.
    “ My .!” says one of the guys, “ I only live just off the edge of the course – I bet I could see my house through that!”
    Looking around to make sure they’re on their own, the hit man tells him to take a peek.
    “Jesus, I can see my bedroom wallpaper through this!” he says , and then “ for fu**s sake, my wife’s still not dressed - hold on what’s my neighbour Bill doing in there?”
    As soon as he realises what Bill’s doing, he asks the hit man to shoot them.
    He doesn’t want them killed, just warned off, so they agree on £1000 per hit - £2000 total.
    The hit man takes up a semi-prone position on the edge of a bunker, then asks the guy where he’d like them shot.
    “ Shoot Bill in the cock so he can’t ever do this again” he says, “ and shoot her in the mouth so’s she cant ever boast about it!”
    The hit man takes careful aim, and then after what seems ages, the guy asks him why he hasn’t fired yet.
    “ Well you were kind enough to offer me a round of golf when you didn’t have to, I kind of like you and feel sorry for you, so wait a few more seconds, let me get my timing right, and let’s see if I can save you a grand!!!!
     

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